If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
