we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
