wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
