did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
kristin has been a bad kristin
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
