There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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