Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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