So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
