I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
