My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
