You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
