My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
