i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
