More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
