The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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