Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
