I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
