how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
