things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
