You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
