I need help removing her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
