While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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