currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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