My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
