My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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