he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
