he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
