i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
