I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
