So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
