Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I need moral support for this bender
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
