I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
