just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize