Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
