Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
