Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
