I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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