I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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