Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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