I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
