just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
