Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize