Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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