who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
