you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
