I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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