They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
