You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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