Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want to make out with him forever
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
