Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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