ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
