Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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