i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
