then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
