I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
