Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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