you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
