his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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