i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
