Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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