I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
