i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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