forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
