Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just invented taco cereal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
