Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Randomize
