my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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