I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
