Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
