"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize