This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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