Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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