I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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