Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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